Hello once again,

Been a while, I for most part forgot about my writting. To continue again:

     Ever feel lucky, and most truly blessed to have found another human being to share the burden of life with, to feel as if you, yourself have extra support as a person and as a pair. I mainly forgot to update for a wonderful reason. I have found someone that I truly belive I could progress to say "I do" to. One I feel would ask and one I feel won't just fad as time it's self alone passes. Myself: I feel just as I could fly, when around him, but chose not to just to remain in his arms. The little blunders we have never last long, and even if I am wrong, he still never hesitates to pull me body and soul close to him and let me take his soft skin against my face as tears escape only to be wiped away by a gental hand or soft lips. The times I feel him growing far away, the poof of his closness comes to me when his concern for me reaches my eyes to his and they show just how deeply tied to my emotion they are. Of course he always finds the words or the actions to tell me his dreamy love towards me. It's no matter how many things people have thrown at us, to test us, to attempt to chip away at the will and hope that hold our bond strong. The only words he speak to it all "don't worry, we'll pull through.", the only words of hope I belive these days. Also the phase that can be easily worn out or used to pin people, but only passes his lip when truly felt and truly meant, the singal thing I can foresee coming just as I go to speak as he pull me in only to lets me know "I love you, I'm never losing you." He's softened me emotionally and opened my mind to new idea's taking away my fears.

People only seem to be a puppet truly. With the soul purpose of only being told what to do so they can get a head in life. People who are not such good puppets are labeled failures. I have been labeled a failure as of today my report card is in and my once hard earned As are not hard earned Cs and Ds. I am being told that I am not going anywhere with my background, my grades, or my own natural talents. I'm not the best at anything so no one notices me. I am left to glide back into the shadows where only the eyes of someone truly uncorrupted can see me.

I hate this as of lately it has been nothing but emotion built up inside. Every person I turn to seems to self-knowing or just to shallow to get what I am even trying to begin to say. Every one has turned from me but still smile at me. I do not know if this makes any sense but the best way I can put it is when I talk, when I ask a question all people ever seem to answer is with a grunt or a nod. Don’t people have any real person to them today it's almost sicking.

       I'm tired of this, or people saying how useless I am. They need to all go away and leave me alone. My grades are falling, my skills are dulling, and I feel like I'm shutting down. In all bold face I'm tired of hearing about it! My friends as nice as they may be is never true, my parents support is always faltering and failing. My friends crack comments on my grades just because I'm not on high honor roll like the lot of them. They label them as just fun "jokes". I make simple mistakes that ruin all things that matter to how others see me. Everyone looks at myself sadly, staring at me like some lost orphan. Be gone the eyes of the quick to judge eyes that hunt me from a distance. I am no failer, no slob, I'm not just another teenager bound for failer. Leave me alone to think in my dark corner of my world, to view but not to be seen and integrated.

          This day has been a nice day by most recent dates. "Kristal" had called today. She invited to her dwelling, I had a morning free of plans and had found myself just floating from one place to another in my house and around my favorite walking areas. I decided to join her company. Her mother had soon come and transported me to her house. My friend was not in the car so her mother and myself sat in silence for the short trip. Her mother was one of those "true moms" the house in which she lived was clean and disinfected. The journey took 5 mins of hellos and thank yous for the ride short of deal.

        When I arrived myself: I was greeted by Kristal who proudly showed off her brand new PS2 to me in which she had received for Charismas. Her parents were separated. Her father had fled to Texas when she was young to escape the constant demands of her mother, as Kristal would put it. Her mother was pushy but not impossible. My friend quickly hooked up the videogame system. She then whisked her self away and returned with two “Dance Dance Revolution controllers”. They looked like a rug she placed them on the ground and inserted a game called DDR MAX 2. The disk had fire all over it and a dark figure of a woman I had guessed pointing. She played a few songs in which I watched her jump around on the pads. She played on "heavy mode" arrows shot up the screen and looked like one giant blur to myself. After the songs were done playing and she was done stepping a non-existent audience cheered and clapped from the game. An announcers voice then shouted "A NEW RECORD". She grinned joyfully and then of all things pulled me up on to the bazaar game. She put me on "beginner mode" and promised me is wouldn’t be fast. The song she picked me was slow and I soon saw the bar at the top of the screen which she had told me was the meter where you could tell how well you were doing was flashing red and black. Hers was dancing with the colors of fire and things like great and perfect were showing up on her side of the screen. At the ending of the song I had been given an E. she told me that meant I had failed. After a few tries of that song I received a D and then a C. Time passed and I soon tired, well she looked as ready to go as ever. She noticed my state and tuned off the game and ran myself downstairs for food and drink to re-boost my determination. After a quick snack we resumed and I graduated to light mood which in my case was unbearably hard. I soon returned home at around 12 and returned to my computer.

After note: I’m glad my friends and I have made amends. At this moment I think I will take myself for a walk and relax. Myself: I am tired.

Hello again. The climax I had envisioned of a deeply emotionally filled call from my friend has not made its presents in the worldly realm yet and most likely never will. They have decided that it is best to be left ignored and an "unbig deal" in their words. They said that had most simply forgot. Them saying that they had forgot was worse then them saying "we didn’t bother to call a person like you." oh well I guess I hoped for a small scene. It would be prefect to tell them what they are doing and tech them to think.

Oh well life shall proceed.

On a different tune I had read a most interesting poem:

I want out of this bad mood

Out of this dark ally

Where the creatures of the night

Of the untrusted

Loom from the shadows

Crimson eyes star down at you

As if in welcome.

The verse was short. The way myself: I enjoy them. If a written price is to long you lose the feeling of the words as you go on and the poem loses meaning. The writer of the frantic where I had been reading the poem did not sign his/her name. How sad I wanted to e-mail them and tell them how nice it was. Most usual I don’t read that style of poetry but once ever blue moon I shall find one pleasing to myself.